I will

I will have faith and hope for all I know everything is fine and the baby is fine so I will try to think about the things that I cannot change or control. I will pray for the best and I know that I will not be given more than I can handle with god's strength and love and I will try not to dwell on this for soon I will know and I will deal with whatever comes ..................

Christmas Time

Christmas Time for me is really hectic even though all the gifts are done and such I have to see the in laws and spends a couple days there with them this year will be fun because we will have no T.V. to help and no computer and well no oven or stove top to cook on desert will be fruit salad and the ham will be cook on the bar-b-Que ? That is kind of different and I am preggo and my emotions are all over the map and then we have no working car so we can not escape anywhere we will be stuck I am just praying everyone will be in good spirits and that no fights or screaming matches take place and that we enjoy the seasons but they say it is not Christmas without family ......

Christmas to me is suppose to be about Jesus and his birth and the sacrifices he makes my children know that there is no Santa and that Jesus provides all the gifts and that Santa is Jesus in our family a Divine being God that helps us afford and provides us with the means in which our Christmas is done I think that is important that they know that he gives them the gifts because he allows us to receive the funds to buy them then we explain to them that he gave his life for us and that Christmas is about his birth and celebrating his birth and the sacrifices he did for all of us

Have a merry christmas God bless

Preggo and My emotions

Well between the red swelled areas on my tummy from sticking myself for meds all day and the dizziness I feel like crap but I still feel blessed to be able to be preggo and cannot wait to be a mom again . All my worst fears are in my dreams lately losing the baby and or losing my husband to illness or dying myself . I know that it is counterproductive to feel and think this way but these are some of my worst fears I know I could deal with them if I had to but I hope that I will not have to deal with it and anyways every preggo woman at least me has nightmares about what could go wrong I also dream of what could go right having a son or daughter and holding the baby in my arms and feeling relief and wonder all over again and feeling blessed and all the love you feel . I just know that I am blessed and lucky for all that I have and considering what I have gone through in the past and who I was because of some of those things I feel lucky and blessed for all god has given me and that I have changed from the immature child to the woman and mother I am and I feel lucky that I am not passing along the bad things of my childhood. This dog is no longer our it was adopted . But Look at my lovely girls .

doctors, doctors

I hate how sometimes when you go to get your medications from your doctors the nurse decides they have to chime in their personal thoughts now I have to drag my hubby into the doctor's next month because some nurse could not keep her trap shut great that will be a lovely discussion with him beacuse jimmy hates going into see the doctors he just wants his pills and to be left alone can you blame him he has to take these pills for the rest of his life should he have to listen to the b.s. all the time we get it we need to change somethings but guess what you cannot force it and if you try it will only make it worse my vent for thr day

Today has been long and its only about three in the afternoon . The girls are driving me nuts thank god for school tomorrow. Just kidding they just been nagging me all day. My stomach has been sour lately and I have tried crackers but it is not helping . Oh well I really want to move but I think it will be a long time before we can we have to come up with the deposit and first months rent and all the transfer fees so saving is gonna have to be our middle names but cannot start that until after Christmas because well its Christmas and we have alot of people to buy for . I know that everything will work out for the best and we will find a place when and if we are meant to its just the wait that is driving me crazy .

living , loving and stressing

I am who I am love me or despise me . I have to the thought that it takes to much time and effort to please everyone . From this day forward my life is about me and mine and anyone else is welcome but I will love and live the way I do beleive what I beleive and do what I do . I am pregos now and if people don't like it oh well I wanted this baby so check the stuff at the door everyone who is happy with me then we are good this was not written for anyone it was written for me to destress so noone take it personally.

I am prego

I found out that I am prego I am so excited I have been trying to have another child for over two years my hubby has diabetes so I didn't think that it would happen, then on top of it I am overweight and I have high blood pressure. I know it is all in gods hands and I am so happy but in extreme shock .Our love made another baby

feeling like a truck ran me over

Feel sick yet again so bad the girls had a sleep over last night having an okay day I want to go back to sleep but I know if I do that means that I will sleep a whole lot . My biggest fear is being a failure in lofe as a mom , wife christan and all around human being I don't feel good enough at all what have I really accomplished so far if I died tonight would I look back and think I did it right honestly no I would not I want and need to do better just don't know where to start . I have my kids and my hubby and family is important but who am I . I feel like I jump to conclusions to fast and sometimes I am too nice to people who deserve little or no respect from me . I want to do more be more and set an good example to my kids I know they know about Jesus to a point but I feel like I am slowly slipping away from what used to be me where did I go was I ever really there or have always just slided into a part to play to protect myself sometimes I get scared because in some parts I know this to be true endless ramblings of a confused but content woman .

An Awesome Day

Got me a dog and the breed I wanted this was a wonderful day yay.

Now if we can get into a nicer apartment. she is so cute .

Went out the other night had a good time

All is well god blesses me everyday and I am trying to stay on the narrow path . I have wishes and dreams but for now they seem so far out of reach. What to do ? Well I have considered finishing high school through ace christain school and then maybe a tech. school like nursing or the people who take people's blood or a lab tech or pharm tech I want more pray for me and mine and that my life will mean more . What do you say to a person who feels like they are just passing time until they are called to heaven he loves me but I want to be my own and do more for myself and I am taking the reigns for myself before I wilt and become mad and resentful I refuse to become my mom or my dad I will be damned first . Sorry just my thoughts I love my husband and I know he loves me and that things will get better and that I mean something to alot of people but I want to mean something and have great thoughts of myself .

love that last forever

I have realized that even without a dime in our pockets we my family and I can have fun for special moments in our lives like on the 7th of July it was our 9th wedding anniversary . My hubby cooked me a great steak and we had a fabulous meal and watched some comedy shows on netflix and laughed and laughed . I know that no matter what comes our way we have each other and god who comes first and the children in our lives that depend on us and thrive because we love them so . They may not always like me but they know I love them more than anything besides my master god . Well all is well here and my kids are coming for a visit hopefully on Friday for about a week or two then back to grandmothers for a few days school starts August 26 and we have alot to do before we are ready

Can't stand it

My car needs new tires that will be very expensive at least 100.00 then this month is our 9th wedding anniversary and we are pretty much broke yay . I did get to buy the girl's bunk beds though and they are very pretty and that makes me happy. I bought school supplies already and I just need backpacks and new school uniforms my money is almost tapped out and all I can think of is aahhhhhhhhh and that I know everything will work out because god will see to what is best but boy sometimes I get stressed .

summer time

Well the girls have been gone for a couple of days but they will return on the 18th . I really have missed them they will be going again with their grandparents but not for a little while . Hopefully god willing our car will get here or the other one will get fixed eight er way we need a car. Its been pretty boring here took the bus the other day to see a movie star trek I didn't get to see much I spent most of my time in the lady's room getting sick and then re hurt my ankle on the way home. But that is what has been going on .

Moving on

Moving on to better things, Tomorrow the girls have their last kickball game of the season . Grandmother and Grandad are planning on coming down sometime in the next couple of weeks to see the girls. They plan on taking them for a couple of days maybe more we will see. Elaine retired as of June today actually. She was so happy not to have to go to work anymore and be able to be free to spend more time with Danny and going where they want. The girls passed to 2ND grade I am so proud they made a honor roll that is so good . This year was so much better that last year. I have had my ups and downs but in the end I am okay. I have my family and my friends and god and things that matter to me. Things are going good even though our car broke we are not panicked we know that god has a plan and that everything will work itself out. I need for nothing and the things I want I get unless its not meant to be so I am happy and content in life and that is all I can and will ask for . God Bless

Just another Day

Just another day at home the nurse came over to see me today . You know your really ill when the state gives you a nurse to come see you at your home and have put in for a provider . Well our car broke down and that really sucks but in the end it will work out. Jimmy's parents friend took the other car we were going to buy and are fixing it in their spare time , hopefully it won't take too long . It is a nice car and I can't wait to have it and it really work. I am trying to think of somewhere nice to go and somewhere fun too because our 9 yr anniversary is coming up I want it to be fun but I really want next yrs to top the radar . So as of right now I have no clue to what we will do .

I am a little worried

I am so nervous and worried right now a couple weeks ago my daughter showed me her boob and said it was tender it had a little lump but I was sure it was from her messing with it or falling or bumping into something .Well, its been a few weeks and today I checked on it and it looks the same its sore to the touch and a little swollen . I looked online and found that it could be breast buds which makes me feel more comfortable but I am so worried about my little girl she just turned 7 this month and my girls are my life. I am planning on taking her to her doctor on Tuesday since Monday is memorial day and its a three day weekend and I prefer her seeing someone she is comfortable with and knows her and her medial history . Well I hope and pray all is well . On a lighter note both girls passed to the 2nd grade this year. Can't wait until next year and to see what tit brings . This year has been fun and at time chaotic but I would not change much of anything I love my family and my life and filled blessed about how things are going. We decided that as of right now we do not intend on moving. I don't know if we will resign a lease or go month to month but for now it looks like we are going to stay put for awhile, I like the apartment and don't really want to redo and move anything just yet but we will see. As for us getting Christian well I think he screwed that up for everyone for at least another year so that is where that is for now . Isn't funny how things work out I am worried but I know God will look out for my family and bless us and keep us happy, safe, and healthy ...............

Wonderful rememberance

Had a great day today everything didn't work out the way we planned but it was really great nether less. We started the day at 9 am and the girls wanted cake for breakfast so I gave in and then let Wendy open her gifts she loved them of course and I worked until noon getting her new barbie mp3 player all set up Carlie's did not work so I have to buy another one great but she is being very understanding . We then went to Texas roadhouse and everyone ordered but the girls hardly ate except the blooming onion or whatever it is called and bread . My steak was too bloody so I had to send it back didn't come back until the end of the meal but it was all good I filled up on fries. Then the restaurant sang and gave wendy a show for her birthday it was great and she loved it . We decided to go to the movies we saw alien vs monsters in 3d and it was great it was every ones first 3d movie and the girls acted like angels . Well over all it was a great day even when we came home to a huge downpour of rain . It was so bad it was at wendy's knees in the parking lot. It was a great day can't wait until we have a day like that again . I am truly blessed

kickball

Tonight we won our kickball game we won 14-0 and it was great . Carlie has been emotional lately for an hour today she cried saying she had no friends and that she hates her life and being here . Then at the kickball game even though she was popping fly balls into the outfeild she still thought she was doing poorly even though the coaches and her parents and all the angelfish fans told her she was doing good she thought she was doing bad and she broke down in tears . All of a sudden a little girl who just so happens to be in carlie's class said carlie 's my best friends carlie had no idea and was completely shocked and I told her i knew she had friends and that she needed to beleive in her self more . Things are going good and looking up . We did alot today we took both cats to the vet to get them up to date on their shots and get their city tags . So that the city won't take them away. the cats are supposely allowed to be outside as long as they have all their shots and reord up to date . Today at times was stressful but I know that I am overall blessed and very lucky to love and have and be loved by the people I have in my life I am truly blessed

having a lazy day

Having a lazy day with the kids and just relaxing. Enjoying the calm and somewhat quiet nature of it all. Having a great relaxing day and thinking and comtemplating on the new things coming my way .

friends

I think god has a wonderful sense of humor when things get me down he brings my ray of sunshine back around .My friend Vanessa who I have known since I was little has come back into my life more now she never really left she was just busy with her life raising her kids and being an army wife and mom .

Mothers Day

My Mothers Day

My kid's are the best they are so sweet the morning started off to breakfast in bed toast and eggs (dad) helped well anyway I got up and we watch cartoons and home movies . Then they gave me cards they had made me at school. Wendy had made this tile that had her hand print in it with the date by it so I can put it up somewhere for her later . Carlie made me a poem about how much she loves me and how much I mean to her . Then Hubby Came out with a gift bag I opened it it was so wonderful watch looked like it has jewels on it doubt it but it is great can't believe they pulled it off without me finding out. I had a wonderful mothers day and I am so blessed god has blessed me with a wonderful family and great friend

thoughts

Everything has come together beautifully . I am so happy and content my life is going so well today . My doctors saw me today and gave me all the medicine I need and are putting a boot or stronger system in place since my foot is damn near broke . I am suppose to get a wheelchair to use when I need it as well as a blood pressure machine as well as many other things . If you know anything about government doctors you know they just don't hand out pain meds and equipment and you have to have documentaion on everything to recieve these things so for those who think I am lying you are wrong and frankly I could care less I am living My Life and trying my best don't like it well then oh well not living it for you I am living it for me so deal . Well I am done describing my day today it was great and I gopt some things accomplished hope everyone has a blessed and great day .

just stating

I have never cheated anybody or any system and I will not comments on any negative post some people just don't like or care for me I try to be the best person I can be I fall but at least I try.

today in a nut shell

I just thought I would let everyone know that today I started a great workout thing with my hubby walking around guth park the whole park I did it that makes me feel so good and gave me so much energy. anyways that is it

car troubles

I hate this car troubles I hate all these car problems now I have to worry about my house looking great because jimmy's parents are coming to fix the van. ahhhhhhhhh

living life

Had a okay day just real tired and ready to get some rest anyways all is well and will hopefully stay that way. The last few days have been drama free and I have made a commitment to myself that I will not allow other people to cause problems in my life its my life if you don't like me there is the door let it hit you on the way out . I need no one except the people I choose to be in my life and they are enough for me and mine . Anyways life has been treating me good and everything has been delightful and fulfilling I wish no ill will on anyone I am moving on to better things and brighter things and leaving those people behind that I needed to shed in my life good riddance . God has taught me that when things happen their is a reason and that when people leave the void is filled with whatever I need and that is so true when I lose someone whether they pass on or we end the friendship I always end up finding someone to fill the void someone that usually has something about them that makes them great and the other person just becomes a memory bad one or a good one eighter way a memory and a lesson learned

my life

Kickball was fun for the girls . My life is going good and everything is fine and I want it to remain that way .I enjoy a life filled with love ones and things that are really rewarding so that makes me the luckiest woman in the world. Well, I can not think of too many things that I need or really want . I have a loving family and friends and that is truly what makes this life woth living . I need only what I am blessed with and that is that.

kick ball

Yesterday the girls had a scrimmage they had lots of fun they didn't keep score and afterwards we took them to McDonald's they got mighty kids meals and we went home . Wendy had trouble going to sleep because she was still amped up . Anyways we had a real good time .

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car is stupid

I hate cars they suck wish they would work the end

time is fleeting

I know that time is fleeting and that as my childern get older and I do too that I will miss all the milestones they have already done I will always cherish the memories but yearn for those times again fresh and new . I am a hopeless dreamer one who lives in the clouds and dreams of the what could have been and what could be instead of in the present because I love to think of things my way and think of things more pleasant but that is just me of course

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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