I am moving on in my anger in my loss and it is a slow but a steady process I feel as though it will lead me to a better , happier life. Too many things happened and too many unanswered questions that I would like to have answers to . But I survived not the same person but I made it with God's help. He lifted me up and made me who I am . I refuse to let others doubt and issues bring me down any longer . I need to make every day count and enjoy what time here I have . I will never understand why things happened to me or why people thought it was okay . Forgiveness is not easy and it will be a lifetime of work to be at peace . I will work this issue until all the tears I cry are dried and I feel beyond it all . People say just let it go its not that simple . There is too many emotions that involved . I am a mother , wife ,christian and I have allowed all these things to affect me and the people around me . I am not allowed the time to get over things and to move on from them at my own pace. I have forgiveness for the most part but moving past somethings is hard . Anger always comes up in the end . I would love relationships with certain people but I feel as though they treat me like I am a child . I am a grown women and can feel the way I feel . I am allowed to feel pain and anger . When I tell someone their words make me feel that way how about if that is not what you meant how about rewording it then instead of treating me like I'm foolish or trying to turn or hurt you . I was simpling stating how your words and actions sometimes make me feel . I feel like you do not take me or my feelings or thoughts seriously . You say you want a relationship but there is alot of hurt and you cannot expect it to go away in one day or over a little time . Comparing me to our father was rather uncalled for I am not like him in my relationships at all . If you feel I am than you really have never known me for the real me . I would bend over back words to help people so it hurts a little to see you think so little of me . I am living my life with my family as you do but I refuse to want to induce stress . If you ever want to actually be apart of my life you know my number and address and have means to get in touch with me . I do not drive and everyone who knows me knows that . I will call or email you . I wish you the best with your family and life and if you decide you want me and my girls apart of it thats great if not then I will accept that and move on like I did with our mother who wanted nothing to do with me . I never did nothing to her and I am not innocent in our relationship but not at fault completely eighter . Hope to hear from you the weather is getting nicer outside and I have a stroller and we could always go for a stroll at the hillside park . This is me making the effort :) I wish our lives would have been easier but God gave us what he thought we could handle.
