Today's thoughts so far

Evelynn is growing up so fast she tuns one next month and Wendy will be turning nine oh how time flies . I am raising three beautiful girls knowing the lord and knowing they will grow up to be wonderful woman. I am one blessed woman . Nothing is going to hold me back no more and if you are laughing now oh well my hubby never held me back I did . I had no self worth but I know that I was hurting myself . I am raising these girls and I am doing a good job . They have issues like everyone but they are overall great . They get good grades are polite and love the lord .

So many things going on today making deviled eggs, and filling Easter eggs , doing dyed eggs and cleaning house . Its been a busy but great day enjoying doing all this stuff . Going to have a huge hunt tomorrow with the girls and taking lots of pics. Thinking about how things are changing and loving it . Thinking about what is happening next but letting everything go . Feels great to turn it all over. I talked to an old friend of mine and realized I am who I am and if people don't like it then I can do nothing about it and why would I want to change for someone who does not appreciate all the things I do . I am actually pretty dang nice . I am over trying to please everyone . My life is too full of people who deserve my time and attention than to waste it on those who don't . Loving the freedom of not worrying about what others think . I know people don't care for some things my hubby does .oh well your problem not mine . I choose to deal with it because I love him no matter what like I said in my vows . Does it make me angry sometimes sure but that is my issue . I am no longer going to complain and I have not in awhile actually . I put my fears into the lord and tell my girls the right things . I know my hubby has some strange ideas on things but I raise my kids . I do I discipline them not him other than every once in awhile . I do the homework I am the one they run to for everything and I love it that way do not want it any other way . They love their dad but I am their mom and information station and come on they are not dumb they know daddy is unique lol .I really can give a care less anymore if I lose friends than you were not my real friend anymore anyway and good bye . I would give you the shirt off my back or anything if you really need it and I can really give it too you but I refuse to hurt myself and my family anymore for others who don't feel the same for me . I have peace for the first time in a long time . The weight has been lifted thanks god for everything and the message was heard . Cannot live for anyone but you lord .

Today's thoughts so far

So today we are celebrating the wonderful but too short life of Maddie . This is my Evelynn 11months old . We are going to take all three girls and release balloon's later and take lots of pics.

She went to be with Jesus and she is greatly missed by her mom Kellie and her family. She has touched so many lives and I believe that she watches over alot of people. Maddie's story as as well as other babies who left too soon reminds us all to hold out children and family tight because you are not promised tomorrow and that you love for today and make it the best you can . I have had a wonderful day so far with my youngest Evelynn she is wearing pink for Maddie today . She wore a bow for a little bit . She has a few outfit changes already but all pink . Right now she is wearing a pink oneise I found with flowers and ink and red ladybugs that says mommy's little girl . love it. She is full of smiles today . Wendy came home yesterday telling me she has a crush and thinks he is going to ask her to be his girlfriend. Wow how times flies she is only going to be 9 this coming May . I still remember the first moment she kicked me when I was preggo with her and now some boy at school wants to date her =( . She is still my baby in my eyes . I asked her what a boyfriend does or means and she says the boy is nice to me and tells me how pretty I am . I told her that she had a crush which is fine but no kissing which she said gross mom and that she is too young to be really dating that she is not going to date for real until she is around 15 to 16 yrs old . She told me that is cool and that she is going to tell him they are boyfriend and girlfriend but her mommy says there are rules and that they are like friends who have a crush on each other . Oh lord it was not the funniest talk . She does understand though that they are not going anywhere together and that no physical contact is to be made other than a hug lol . Mommy is very anal about this lol and she asked about holding hands I said I would have to get back to her on that one lol . But over all a great few days and my girls are getting older so fast

Hormel kids meals

She speaks gave me the chance to try four of their kids meals with my kids. Wendy is our picky eater and she is 8 going to be 9 in May . She loved them and gave me no trouble eating. This is really cool because she ususally does not just eat and its usually a fight for her to eat it . Carlie is my 10 yr. old and she is not picky but she is a bit hefty and she loved these meals and they are good for her too. I have an 11 month old named Evelynn and I gave her some of the sauce on all the meals and bitty bites of pasta and she loved it too . So I would say go out and try these with your kids because mine sure liked them . =)

Learning about my mother in laws loss

My mother in law is a mom to seven children. Two who still are on earth and five that left this world too soon. She does not talk often about her angel babies . It saddens me to think she has never grieved for those children she lost . She cried a little but then moved it into the back of her mind and I guess she pretends it didn't happen . She admits every blue moon it happen but will not really talk about it other than to say it was the worst thing to happen . I know that she carried at least one to five months preggo and that the doctors did not have much to say as in comfort or why it happened. I know about this because when I was preggo with Evelynn a blood test came back bad and we had to go see a specialist. The specialist asked about my family and my hubby's family . My mother in law went to the apt and she told the doctor I was sitting there in shock learning of the fact that she has lost so many Children . I looked at her her head hung low and one tear sliding down her cheek and the doctor asked a few questions. Of course I flipped out thinking anything could go wrong . Luckily Evelynn turned out to be fine . I talked to Elaine the other day about her angels and that they were in heaven waiting on her and that one day she is going to be surprised by all her little angels when she gets to see them again . She told me she could not start grieving now because then she would grieve until her dying day . She said that when she was going through this it was when people were told that she should be happy for the children she had and to just try again . After losing five children she said her heart could not take anymore and gave up on having anymore kids. She tells me all the time that she wishes she could have had more kids but it was not meant to be and that she looks at her grandchildren and it takes some not all of the pain away. I wish there was more I could do for her but I do not want to bring up anything that could cause her pain she has already been through so much .