Letter to the my girls

My wish for you girls is that you know more than anything I love you and that you are my world. I was told a long time ago that I would never have any children and I have been blessed by god to have children and every moment I realize how blessed I am . Watching you grow from babes to ladies has and is a pleasure . I can only hope that God will bless me to watch you grow into women and see you marry if you want and have kids if you wish . I dream you will have anything and everything you need and some of your desires and that that your lives are filled with joy and not too much pain. I want to see you enjoy life but for you to know how blessed you are as well. I am so proud each and everyday for everything you do and when you fall that you get up dust off and try again . I am grateful for the life that I have and the life I am leading and getting the pleasure of raising you . I know daddy loves you more than anyone or anything in this life and that he is afraid that you do not know it enough and that something might happen to him . He has written letters to each of you in the possibility that something happens but I want to tell you that he loves you more than life itself and would die for you in a second and that you have soften his heart more than you will ever know and for that I am grateful . You made mommy and daddy better people and we are so happy to be you parents and honored that god chose us to be your parents . It is not always easy but its worth every second or all the tears and frustration and lost sleep . You are the most important part of our lives and we are extremely blessed .

I sit here writing knowing how blessed I am as I gaze into my child's eyes today. All three of my children and know that I am truly blessed . I never thought a blog could affect my life so but it has .I pray that Maddie's mom and Dad can find peace . I will remember Maddie she has taught me to be thankful for everyday that I have and to appreciate my kids and my life and to hug my kids and squeeze them tight everyday because you are not promised the next second of this day or the next breathe you or your love ones take . If I were to die today I would die knowing that all my children know that they are loved and that if anything bad were to happen to my girls I know that they would go to heaven knowing that I love them and would see them soon. That and my faith in God and my knowing that I am going to Heaven are what matters most to me .I have made it my goal to walk through life loving those who truly love me and giving them my best self . This is how I choose to honor God and the memory of a little girl I never knew or met but that touched my heart and changed my life . I always loved my children but I hold onto them stronger and hug them longer and say I love them more and more because you never know what may happen . Cannot wait to met Maddie in heaven and tell her thank you but I know she hears my words to her everyday . I am sure she is playing in heaven and smiling down on everyone .

Evelynn and Carlie and Wendy

Evelynn now has four teeth and counting lol . Carlie is now taller than Ben lol he is the one that mentioned it lol. Wendy is taking on more at home and becoming a little lady and the whining has all but gone away of course every now and again but one reminder and she stops . I am a very blessed woman blessed with all the people in my life. My older girls are making ab honor roll and have been for several years . They have always done chores but now they are doing more and are earning an allowances . It is so cool to see them grow and learn . Evelynn is so neat to watch her grow and see how the girls watch with wonder they are so wonderful with her . Help her and try to entertain her .Their fav. thing to do it to put on plays for her with talking animals which they use their stuff animals its really cute .

Happy Days and thoughts on things

Loving spending time with my family and just relaxing .I am so blessed for all God has given to me and knowing that with all his blessings I give him the glory . Wishing I could go see my friend Vanessa . She told me she will be coming down here soon and we are going to go hang out . Love spending time with old friends and catching up on everything . I know so many friends from high school that serve our country and I pray that they all come home safe and sound . Cannot wait to see the girls and how much they have grown pictures do not do it justice . Cannot wait to have some time to just relax and reflect on the things.

Spending alot of time with my best friends. You know you are really good when they give you crap and its okay because it comes from the heart and not out of them being mean or cruel . If you disagree on something it does not cost you the friendship . That is a true friendship and that I am thankful for . Sometimes it may hurt my feelings a little but I can go through it .Its the people who say things to hurt you or spite you or try to start shit that are the problem . They say it for the wrong reasons . It comes from the wrong place and it does matter why you say things and how you say them . If I tell someone something they may not want to hear but I tell them with good intentions and I am trying to help them and not start stuff or hurt their feelings or cause problems then that is cool . I have some truly amazing people in my life . There are quite a few really great people in my life . They are the ones who call for no reason just to see how your day is going. They are the ones who are always there . The ones there through the years and even if you have an issue you always come back together in friendship .I am one lucky and blessed woman and so is my family .

Letter to the world

I have come to realize that some people do not get that for me its always been hard to not think if people understand or get me but you know what I am so tired and tired of the stress it brings . I have come to the point of this. If you don't like who I am you are the one missing out. I go out of my way to help others whether family, friends, or strangers so I know I am good. I do not need to prove it to anyone . I will not get to heaven through good works but that does not mean that I will stop doing my best to help others it is what I do . Will I always second guess and think in the back of my head what others think . Yeah most likely but you know what I am better for it . I know the world does not revolve me I never said it did . I do care what others think because sometimes it keeps me in check from doing things that I might regret later like saying things I should not or doing things I should never do . I will refrain from voicing my fears at my own choosing . My life is filled with blessings and I am grateful for the things and people I have . I have alot of good friends and wonderful kids and family . I have some good acquaintances and that is all good too . The haters can hate if they want to waste their breathe and time . I am done trying to please everyone its not possible . Too busy to fill it with nonsense and worrying about other people . Oh and this is not aimed at anyone its a letter to world with my thoughts and intentions .

My day today

I have been having a great day today . I feel so blessed for all the things and people in my life . The kids I have been given . At one point in my life I was told that I would never have childern and now I have three wonderful girls and they are my life . It can be alot to handle at times but it is so rewarding they try their hardest to be the best they can be and that make me one proud parent . I look at my life today and I am in wonder years ago before I was married I never thought I would be here . I thought my life was pointless and that noone would ever love me and I was beyond wrong I know love from God and from my family and friends . I am no longer the lonely girl walking anlone in life waiting to die and leave this cruel world but a woman sharing my dreams and life with the wonderful people god has placed in my life and the people I meet if only for a brief moment . I am truly blessed

blessed and loving life

Blessed and loving life it does not always go the way I want or even plan but I know that I have what I need most of what I want and am blessed more than I ever thought . Fighting with Jimmy happens but it makes our relationship grow and it makes us stronger we a have been together for a long time and will be together for many more years and I say forever even though I do not know what our life has in store for us anyways just feeling blessed and thankful what god has give me

Having an okay day tired and feel like sleeping alot to top ot off I know I have gained alot of weight just do not know how much damn depo shot all I want to do is cry it pisses me off now I have to start from scratch and try even harder to lose weight yay this should be fun not.............

Early Easter at church as far as the bunny goes

This is the girls at church this past Sunday they had a Easter egg hunt and got to take a picture with the Easter bunny it was cute ............ next Sunday is their Easter service with the ultimate giveaway ............ sure to be lots of fun and very informative

In memory of Hopsing

Our beautiful cat Hopsing was killed today and we had to have her put to sleep she now rest in jesus's arms and is in no more pain ............We loved you Hopsing we will miss you and we are sorry that you left us and wished you were here with us but we are happy that you got to run and play and live a better life than what you would have lived instead of in that shelter love you and see you in heaven ........................................................................................................

rant and blessed

Today was okay I am bored and wishing things would work out better for me even if just a little my car I just bought got keyed by someone at our apartments because they had nothing better to do ............. More b.s. to deal with cannot wait to start to get all my baby stuff together so I can feel a little more comfortable and not worry so much anyways have a great day and Happy V day to all . My hubby got me a potted plant and a stuffed rose and some candy it was really sweet.............

1-25-2010 My Day

Well pick out a name for the new baby and I love it anyways found out today that I screwed up my back somehow and that I have to be on some strong med and also will be starting physical therapy soon to help out and my ankle still is messed up from the fall I had in June of last year cannot wait to get that all worked out. Anyways Jimmy lost 4 pounds in two weeks it is not a lot but it is a start . Hopefully after the baby we can both lose some weight anyways blog you later ................

Pissed Off cannot beleive I messed up the app for an apartment guess I will have to try again later anyways haing one of those days

Its A Girl

Well went for my appt and everything went really well and we found out we are having another girl and we are happy just were hoping for a boy but just happy and blessed to be having a healthy baby anyways go back in Feb to the specialist because I am not that far along only 18 wks and they want to double check things . All should be well ........ Tomorrow is Carlie's 9th birthday she will be 9 I cannot believe it just does not seem that she is that old but she is growing up so fast and already acts like the teenager she is becoming in for some eye rolling and smart mouth ...................

I will

I will have faith and hope for all I know everything is fine and the baby is fine so I will try to think about the things that I cannot change or control. I will pray for the best and I know that I will not be given more than I can handle with god's strength and love and I will try not to dwell on this for soon I will know and I will deal with whatever comes ..................

Christmas Time

Christmas Time for me is really hectic even though all the gifts are done and such I have to see the in laws and spends a couple days there with them this year will be fun because we will have no T.V. to help and no computer and well no oven or stove top to cook on desert will be fruit salad and the ham will be cook on the bar-b-Que ? That is kind of different and I am preggo and my emotions are all over the map and then we have no working car so we can not escape anywhere we will be stuck I am just praying everyone will be in good spirits and that no fights or screaming matches take place and that we enjoy the seasons but they say it is not Christmas without family ......

Christmas to me is suppose to be about Jesus and his birth and the sacrifices he makes my children know that there is no Santa and that Jesus provides all the gifts and that Santa is Jesus in our family a Divine being God that helps us afford and provides us with the means in which our Christmas is done I think that is important that they know that he gives them the gifts because he allows us to receive the funds to buy them then we explain to them that he gave his life for us and that Christmas is about his birth and celebrating his birth and the sacrifices he did for all of us

Have a merry christmas God bless

Preggo and My emotions

Well between the red swelled areas on my tummy from sticking myself for meds all day and the dizziness I feel like crap but I still feel blessed to be able to be preggo and cannot wait to be a mom again . All my worst fears are in my dreams lately losing the baby and or losing my husband to illness or dying myself . I know that it is counterproductive to feel and think this way but these are some of my worst fears I know I could deal with them if I had to but I hope that I will not have to deal with it and anyways every preggo woman at least me has nightmares about what could go wrong I also dream of what could go right having a son or daughter and holding the baby in my arms and feeling relief and wonder all over again and feeling blessed and all the love you feel . I just know that I am blessed and lucky for all that I have and considering what I have gone through in the past and who I was because of some of those things I feel lucky and blessed for all god has given me and that I have changed from the immature child to the woman and mother I am and I feel lucky that I am not passing along the bad things of my childhood. This dog is no longer our it was adopted . But Look at my lovely girls .

doctors, doctors

I hate how sometimes when you go to get your medications from your doctors the nurse decides they have to chime in their personal thoughts now I have to drag my hubby into the doctor's next month because some nurse could not keep her trap shut great that will be a lovely discussion with him beacuse jimmy hates going into see the doctors he just wants his pills and to be left alone can you blame him he has to take these pills for the rest of his life should he have to listen to the b.s. all the time we get it we need to change somethings but guess what you cannot force it and if you try it will only make it worse my vent for thr day

Today has been long and its only about three in the afternoon . The girls are driving me nuts thank god for school tomorrow. Just kidding they just been nagging me all day. My stomach has been sour lately and I have tried crackers but it is not helping . Oh well I really want to move but I think it will be a long time before we can we have to come up with the deposit and first months rent and all the transfer fees so saving is gonna have to be our middle names but cannot start that until after Christmas because well its Christmas and we have alot of people to buy for . I know that everything will work out for the best and we will find a place when and if we are meant to its just the wait that is driving me crazy .

living , loving and stressing

I am who I am love me or despise me . I have to the thought that it takes to much time and effort to please everyone . From this day forward my life is about me and mine and anyone else is welcome but I will love and live the way I do beleive what I beleive and do what I do . I am pregos now and if people don't like it oh well I wanted this baby so check the stuff at the door everyone who is happy with me then we are good this was not written for anyone it was written for me to destress so noone take it personally.